How cats love us back

Sadly, cats have a reputation for being aloof and unresponsive. This is entirely undeserved. Cats are highly affectionate and very interactive.

The problem is humans who "do it wrong."

I blame a lot of this confusion on people thinking cats are supposed to be dogs. While coming out and saying something like that illustrates how ridiculous it is, people still do it all the time.

Dogs are pack animals who instinctively look for a pack leader and obey them. They require a lot of time and attention to get down their basic needs: such where to go to the bathroom, what not to chew, and the proper ways to ask for attention. Dogs also have a built-in device -- their obedience -- which helps us get all those training tasks done.

Cats are an entirely different kind of pet. They come already trained in where to go to the bathroom, what not to scratch, and the proper ways to ask for attention. Our much simpler task is then to provide our cat with the proper litter box, scratching post, and opportunities to interact.

When it comes to training, our cats want to cooperate. If we make our communication, and affection, work better, so will our training.

Cats try to protect us. When famous magician Roy was "attacked" by a tiger, it turned out the big cat was protecting his friend.

Why do we love purring cats? Because it is literally a healing sound.

In all these ways, cats are loving pets. We just need to "do it right."

Are we saying that in "cat"?

Did you know cats tend to be verbal with humans, but not with each other?

As kittens, our cats let their mother know what they needed with loud mews. But as they get older, their communication with each other becomes a matter of body language.

If we learn what our cats are saying to us with their ears, tail, and even their expressions, we have a tremendous advantage in training, and caring for, our cat. Once we learn how cats tell us they are confused, for instance, we know a lot more about what is going on with them.

Learning what our cat's body language means will let us know what our cat is asking for. Once we provide it; our friendship is renewed!

But we do not have long flexible tails... and we cannot wiggle our ears. So how can we communicate with our cat?

• Talk to them. We should chat with our cat about things that have something to do with them, like their dinner arrangements or while we are cleaning the litterbox. Then our cat will start learning our verbal language by watching our body language. It's a little like picking up another human language by watching a movie with subtitles.
• Listen to them. Our cat continually reaches out and tries to let us know what they are thinking. But if we don't pay attention, we will miss this chance at cooperation and love. Take moments throughout the day to check on our cat and give them our attention.
• Respond to them. When our cat is "bothering us" it is because they are asking for something. Make them happy by figuring this out. Don't fall into the foolish trap of thinking, "They just want attention." Well duh! Give them some.

More than any other kind of pet, our relationship with our cat is dependent on mutual regard and cooperation.

So unless we know what each other are saying... we won't know what each other, means.


Explore more about my views on speaking the cat's language.

When bad is a bad word

It might be reflexive to yell "Bad cat!" when our cat knocks something over; but thinking that way will mess up our head. And mess up our cat.

Thinking this way will make us think our cat misbehaves on purpose, to bother us. Then we get resentful and stop being friends with our cat. Since the only reason cats will change their behavior is if they are doing a favor for a friend; the cat stops caring, too.

Now, no one is happy.

If our cat is "always" misbehaving, the problem isn't the cat. The problem is that we are doing a bad job of meeting our cat's needs. Because when needs aren't met, they don't go away. They just keep reasserting themselves. If we've ever tried to tell our body to stop being hungry or sleepy, we know just how well that works.

Cats have no sense of "being bad." If they are doing things we don't like, it's because they are trying to survive by doing what their instincts tell them. They have to run around and find lookout posts and do all the other things that lead to catching dinner. Even when they don't catch dinner any more.

If we want our cat to be a loving companion, we have to treat them like one. If they need more play or more attention or more of anything, they will come to us to try and get it. They are smart enough to know who handles the world they live in; better than they do.

So don't create anger and resentment with our training methods. Because that is all we will get back.


For more about training kittens, see Why “naughty” is a misconception.