A Time for Resolutions

Here we are; gripped by that "turn the page" fever and ready to pick something about us to work on in the coming year. In a 2005 survey, it was discovered that only 8 percent of Americans achieve their New Year's resolutions. Almost half had already failed by the end of January.

I think it's because we get too grandiose. Instead of saying, "I'll get more walks in," we say, "I'm joining a gym and working out every day!" Small goals are more achievable. Isn't that better than a big goal -- that won't happen?

Perhaps we should take a Zen lesson from our cats.

Cats are far more successful than we are when it comes to "living in the moment." This is all the more impressive because they can also keep track of time and think ahead. So it's not like they don't have long term memory or strategic planning skills.

They just know when those skills are useful, and when they are only going to get in the way.

It's been four months since we brought RJ home, and we are thrilled with his progress. He's learned not to get frantic about food, he's made a buddy of Mr. Bond, and he learned, over the Christmas holidays, to play fetch.

This is all the more amazing to me because he really did have a deficit to overcome; he had to be taught to play, to express himself facially and vocally, to feel secure. These are things most kittens can accomplish much earlier than he did.

But he did accomplish it. If we had expected something he couldn't deliver, we would have been exasperated. He would have felt pressured and stressed. Neither of us would have gotten what we wanted as quickly and easily as we did; or, in a worst case scenario, at all.

Why don't we treat ourselves, this year, with gentleness and understanding? Let's not ask more of ourselves than we can deliver. Let's not get angry at ourselves if we cannot achieve something right away. That only builds barriers and resentment.

This year, let's be like kittens. We'll try to understand what is asked of us, and do our best to behave, and give love freely when the opportunity arises. If we can manage to be cute without straining ourselves, we'll do that too.

Perhaps the best resolution we can make is to live more in the moment, every time we think of it. This doesn't mean we disregard responsibilities or discard long term goals. But every day offers at least one moment we can enjoy. Maybe more. All we have to do is resolve to look for them.

I think that's one resolution I can keep.

Cat Choosing: Boy or Girl?

Should we get a boy cat, or a girl cat?

It is often good to alternate. Having our cats learn to get along with both sexes will keep our cat family, and our human family, happy. Though if we like our present cat, it would be good to get a another cat like him or her, since that will make them compatible.

What are the differences? Surprisingly few; once they are altered.

That's because it is very difficult to make a good pet from a cat who is not spayed or neutered. Once the mating behaviors are no longer an overwhelming factor, cats become much more calm and lovable.

The female (queen) will start going into heat as early as six months, depending on breed differences. The cat should not be bred at her first heat. Yet this is often what happens when people delay having their female cat spayed.

Females get loud and vocal and seem affectionate, but what the cat is also doing is suffering. She is being driven by a survival urge as strong as hunger, so will be determined to get out.

Once she gets out, she won't come back until she gets the "successful mating signal" from her body. So when the cat comes back, she will be pregnant.

When the boy cat isn't neutered, the situation can be worse, with males marking territory and cementing a behavior no one likes. He will want to get out and not only mate, but fight with other males.

The characteristics will shape the cat as a pet, to both our unhappiness. A cat who is not spayed or neutered will often misbehave. They can't help it. But it will make all our lives easier to avoid the situation completely.

There will still be differences between boys and girls. But it won't be the bad behaviors.

It will be the good ones.


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More information about altering, spaying, or neutering a cat? Read more..

For more depth, read about what is more important than the boy or girl cat..

What Fur? Cleaning Strategies

Having cats means there will be fur that is no longer on the cat. The Sphinx and such wire-haired breeds as the Cornish Rex are not going to shed the way a long-haired Persian will. This might be a factor in which cat we get, but no matter the cat, we need to know how to deal with the fur.

A consistent grooming schedule is one way to keep shedding down. There are also times when a cat will shed more than others, such as change of the seasons or times of stress. When under attack, a cat will seem to lose their hold on their fur, letting it fall out more enthusiastically to offer less of a grip for their enemies. This is why it's not unusual to find the carrier covered with fur after a trip to the vet.

However it gets away from the cat, we will want to get fur off upholstery and rugs for easy cleaning. I've used a number of different tools. Here are my favorites:

• The Zoom Groomwill not only groom the cat easily, it will let you clean cat fur from couches, pillows, and blankets. Don't rely on the wash to get fur off clothes and throws. Leave a Zoom Groom in the laundry room to whisk off the fur before throwing something in the washing machine. In this way we won't overload the machine and can make sure the fur doesn't simply wind up redeposited somewhere else.
• Need to cover large areas in a hurry? A simple window squeegee, available at hardware or cleaning supply stores, will peel off fur on any kind of upholstery, even tweedy fabrics that are often resistant to the usual vacuuming.
• Get a good vacuum. I've been impressed with our year-old Bissell Cleanview II. Out of all the vacuums in its price range I've tried, it seems to cope the best with fur, bits of cardboard, and the miscellaneous junk from under Dear Husband's art table. You'll want to look for a design which won't bail out over large amounts of fluff, especially one which has enough power to keep the flexible hose from clogging up and interfering with off-floor cleaning. I look for dust cups I can empty, instead of bags which have to be changed. This keeps costs down and encourages us to empty often.
• My favorite lint brushes are the ones which rely on an easily peeled off roll of sticky paper, though I've also used strips of packing tape, or even Scotch tape. It's easy to miss something while rushing around in the morning. Clothes we don't wear very often are particularly prone to turn up with a previously unnoticed patch of contrasting fur. And no matter what color our cat, the fur always winds up being contrasting.

Getting good cleaning tools and keeping them handy will let us integrate the little extra effort needed to get fur whisked away. Don't exasperate ourselves with what doesn't work; get things we know will work, and it becomes easy.


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Vulcan Mind Meld

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Bless Us, Every One

I got my favorite Christmas present early this morning. Despite the fact that I'm off work for the holiday, RJ still has an imperfect grasp of scheduling, so I expected him to wake me up at my usual time for breakfast. He did his Richochet Rabbit impersonation; leaping onto the bed and springing off as though shot from a cannon.

So when I peeked over the covers, he came bouncing over to my face. But this time he didn't have his serious little expression; this time he was trying to pull something. What his face conveyed was false surprise, Oh, you're up! As though he had nothing to do with it.

RJ has shown glimpses of trainability before, as when he asked to eat in the kitchen, and showed he knew what it meant when he moderated his formerly voracious behavior to be a Big Boy and leave other cats' dishes alone. But it's always been difficult to read his face. When he's happy, he's relaxed; we can get his attention fairly easily at such times. But at all other times his face has tended to have only one expression; that serious, intent look that seemed to be all that was left when we managed to wipe the desperation off of it.

This morning he not only showed himself capable of deviousness; his face was able to convey that knowledge. He's starting to lose his poker face. I'm thrilled. He's feeling more secure, he's reaching out to interact with us, and he's getting more open with his emotions.

In a way, every new cat is a wrapped gift. How will they fit in? How affectionate can they become? What surprises do they have in store? But when a cat comes in with known difficulties, there's even more categories of suspense. Are they capable of socialization? Will they lose that chip on their shoulder? Can they overcome the difficulties they faced before they got this home?

This couldn't help but be on my mind, since Mr. Bond and Puffy are also Cats with Problems. When I had to shut down my cat civilization and find most of them new homes, I wound up with Mr. Bond and Puffy mostly because they would have the greatest difficulties finding new ones. I loved them all; but I had to let the easy ones go first.

When I went looking for a new kitten, I was looking for someone easy. Except... there was RJ, needing special understanding. I must have been sent to rescue this little guy.

Because it's not just Dear Husband and I who enjoy RJ. Mr. Bond thinks it's great having a sidekick. This morning, he went trotting into the kitchen for breakfast, too. He had nothing to do with this. We can't prove a thing.

I can see the discussions between him and RJ: With my brains and your cuteness, we can really go places, kid!

From all of us, to all of you, a wonderful holiday. And the hope that there are plenty of the kinds of gifts who keep on giving.


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Dear Pammy, How do I introduce a kitten to our dogs?

A reader writes:

We have three dogs, but our daughter wants a kitten for Christmas. How can we make this work?
Dear Readers,

Despite persistent folklore, cats and dogs are not enemies. They can get along quite well. They are, however, natural antagonists; their instincts will trigger inappropriate behavior in each other until they have learned to get along. Simply put, cats are small, fast moving creatures who prefer to flee when confronted, and dogs are designed to chase such.

A well socialized dog will regard the household cats as fellow members of the pack. Socialization is the process in humans, dogs, and cats which lets the mind recognize that we share the earth with fellow creatures with preferences and feelings, just as we have. We must make it quite clear, especially with a kitten, that these are objects to be seen but not touched.

It's much easier to let the dogs know a strict no-chasing policy is in effect, and then relax it when the kitten gets older, than to try to get the dogs to understand a little chasing is okay. They should not shoulder the responsibility of trying to figure out what a "little chasing" means. Leaving the cat strictly alone is easy for them to understand.

The ease of this operation depends on the personality of the dogs in question. When I was averaging ten cats in the house, I also had an average of two hundred pounds of Dog around, and they all learned to not only not bother the cats, but to form friendships with them. Of course, this was helped along by the fact that I was Pack Leader, and thus was also She Who Must Be Obeyed. My dogs were usually puppies who had grown up with cats, and learned manners early. A dog who has not encountered cats at such close range will need more guidance.

Paris, a spaniel mishmash we rescued from the streets of Queens, begging hot dogs from patrons of a lunch wagon, had no leadership qualities at all. When approached by the tiniest kitten he would simply roll over and invite dominance immediately, so they could get on with the business of being friends. He was never happier than when he had a little friend curled up against his stomach, and wouldn’t raise an eyebrow if a bunch of cats decided to commando raid the nip cabinet.

Roscoe, a Malamute/Collie mix, was the opposite, a natural security co-ordinator who would not rest until I agreed to let him evaluate every visitor at the door, made regular rounds at checkpoints, and would snitch on any cat misbehaving. The Christmas he was still a puppy we gave him a set of stuffed antlers to wear, but, unlike our other dogs, he regarded this as a demeaning request. We took them off and placed them on top of a little-used armoire. The cats had never had an interest in this armoire before, but mysteriously the antlers wound up on the floor, thoroughly chewed. We suspected, but could never prove, collusion between himself and certain cats.

As Pack Leader, our dogs look to us for clear messages about behavior. Give them some. On the first encounter, the dogs should be leashed and put into a Down Stay. Let the kitten out into the room, while the dogs remain under control. The penalty for constantly breaking the Down Stay should be having to leave the room and no longer getting to see the fascinating object. Dogs take exile very seriously.

Dogs shouldn't be punished for showing an interest. Gradually let them get to know the kitten, who will have their own ideas about the dogs. I suggested getting an outgoing, confident kitten, who is not only a better bet for a child, but has a strong sense of themselves that will let them better handle a dog's overtures, so unlike either a cat's or a human's.

Under no circumstances should the dogs be encouraged to chase the cat. They don't have the judgement or experience to evaluate the cat's reaction. In fact, all cats have to be ranked above all dogs in the hierarchy. This gives the cats a psychological advantage they will need against playmates who outweigh them so greatly.

A misconception many dogs owners have, that prevents them from being successful dog owners, is that dogs mind where they are in the hierarchy. It's true that some dogs have a nature that drives them towards leadership. But giving it to them is no favor. In our society, a pack leader must also be able to drive a car to the grocery store to bring back food, pay the vet for medical care, and know who is the mail carrier and when they can deliver things. No dog is up to that.

If we have a dog with a strong leadership drive, and no other dogs for them to supervise, we should come up with jobs for them to do. That is what a good leader does. Let your leader know he or she is welcome to rat out the cat for bad behavior, but discipline is Pack Leader's job. When they sit quietly to let the cat investigate them, praise them extravagantly for their restraint. Make it clear during cute moments that it's the cat who is funny, not them. Make the happiness of the cat their responsibility, and we will have directed their nature towards usefulness.

In this way, we can have even the most strong minded dog enlisted on our side, treating the cat with the restraint and decorum that will allow them to have a new friend. This also gives us a base to return to when they do begin to extend the friendship. As they interact more, things won't get out of hand, because we should always be able to say, "Leave the cat alone!" And they will.

As highly social creatures, dogs will enjoy having more creatures to be social with. They both need and want us to guide them in this new experience. They want to be useful members of the family; that's what dogs do. Showing them how is our Pack Leader responsibility.

With proper support, we won't have to worry about the cat, who will quickly figure out the dogs. That is what cats do.


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How to Not Listen

This is a classic example of ignoring a clear signal. When I first saw part of this clip, it was with the sound off, and I was thinking she was ignorant of what the lashing tail and laid back ears meant. Then I heard it with the sound on... and realized one does not need any special cat knowledge to know what an air raid siren means.

Well, in this case, it means, "Put me down!"

UPDATE:
It's worth noting that the cat, in fact, did not scratch her. He or she was only threatening to. The on-air talent was dazed but I didn't see any signs the cat had hurt her. This is a GOOD cat. I hope she or he gets a home.


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The Cat's World

Having a home where cats are both well-behaved and comfortable can take some rethinking on the part of the human who has made the home. There are strong instinctual imperatives which drive cat behavior and must be understood.

Cats think in three dimensions. They regard all surfaces as part of their territory, which must be investigated to determine their qualities. Cats need to know what happens when they do this, and when they do that, because at any time they might have to run down a rodent or flee from a predator. They have a constantly updated wire-frame model in their heads of all possible hiding places, ambush points, and escape routes.

We might notice that when a big box or new piece of furniture arrives in the house, the cat will smell it and study it, but not indiscriminately. Cats tend to go over the object at the angles and corners, following its spatial lines, updating their internal model. Surfaces are a given. Cats need to know the angles.

This emphasis on geometrical points can mislead the cat. This is a good assumption in a cat’s natural habitat. Humans and their fondness for containers are a relatively recent development. A considerate human will keep this in mind.

If the cat routinely jumps on top of the toilet tank to hang out with us in the bathroom, and one day the top is off the tank because of some repair work, the cat is likely to come along and jump on top of the toilet tank anyway. This can mess up the repair work, and will certainly upset the cat. Either keep the cat out of the bathroom, or pick them up and show them the tank is now an untrustworthy surface. The cat will appreciate it, and think more of us for thinking of them. When the job is over, show them that things have gone back to normal. The cat will update their mental model and continue to hang out with us in the bathroom.

People who don’t understand the way cats think can find themselves annoyed by the cat’s insistence on climbing and jumping and finding high places to hang out. As confident climbers and joyous jumpers, cats use their abilities to outwit both their prey and their predators. They need to be up or down, hidden for an ambush or proudly visible to potential interlopers on their hunting grounds. Taking the cat out of the desert does not take the desert out of the cat.

So it makes sense for us to understand this need of the cat, and accommodate it with either not minding their perch on the back of the sofa, or giving them an equally good perch with their own cat furniture.

Cats want to be with us. Isn't that a great feature?


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Howling at Night

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Cat Buddies

Mr. Bond has started thanking us for getting him a kitten. He will drape himself over a chair or sprawl on his favorite rug, watching RJ. He will look over at me, and give me the slow blinks of cat happiness.

"Is Jamesey glad we got him a kitten?" I will ask, and Mr. Bond will look at RJ, and back at me. Yes, I like him.

This makes me very happy. I wanted to get Mr. Bond a buddy. Some cats are social, and would like another cat to do things with. On the other hand, there's Puffy, who has never, even when he had many cats to choose from, been interested in much cat interaction.

Beta cats, like Mr. Bond and RJ, are the most likely cats to want a buddy. They are the most social of the types; the most interested in greeting visitors, the most relaxed about accommodating other living creatures. From rowdy puppies to crying babies, a Beta cat is going to be more curious than cautious, more forgiving than frantic.

Mr. Bond always found RJ fascinating, from the moment he appeared. But at first, he had complaints.

He tried to pull my head off!

He wants to play, Mr. Bond. Go ahead and play with him.

He's broken the Litter Robot!

We're working it manually because he's too little to trip the switch. It will be back soon.

He doesn't know anything!

That's right, Mr. Bond, he's a doofus. It's up to you to teach him things.

So Mr. Bond took on the responsibility. When a lamp went down or the plastic bottles for recycling wound up scattered on the floor, Mr. Bond was lurking on the sidelines. I tried to tell him. He didn't listen. But more and more, he is listening. When Mr. Bond gets on the bed for a cuddle, RJ appears. When the kitty grass starts sprouting, it has two supervisors. When RJ slapshots a mouse across the floor, Mr. Bond will smack it back.

One breakthrough was when RJ was playing with his Master Chaos battery wand toy (now, sadly, unavailable) while Mr. Bond watched from his chair perch. Mr. Bond started wailing. "What's that about?" Dear Husband wanted to know. I started narrating Mr. Bond's thoughts. "He's doing it all wrong! He missed that feint! I'm about to get down there and show him how it's done!" Sure enough, Mr. Bond was compelled to get down on the floor and soon the two of them were handling Master Chaos with zone attacks.

If Mr. Bond were younger, and less dignified, he would be more paws on with RJ's upbringing. But Mr. Bond is very dignified; he makes Queen Elizabeth look like a party girl on Spring Break. So his style is to lead by example; less interventionist and more role modeling. But it is working for him; we often let RJ know that Mr. Bond's response in a particular situation is the one we want. One of these days, RJ will expand his attention span enough to pick up the cues more often.

In the meantime, he's happy to wrestle with Mr. Bond and have someone who is interested in him. That's the problem between him and Puffy; RJ is frustrated by Puffy ignoring him, and when he gets his wild eyes, he is determined to get Puffy into a play session, and we have to distract him. But he has been seen sharing treats and leaving Puffy alone during quiet times, which is all Puffy asks.

This is how we build cat harmony; with encouragement and discipline. As needed.


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The Game of Mutual Regard

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Dear Pammy, Do cats read our minds?

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The Truth About Declawing

-Image from The Paw Project, which has a wealth of information about the issue.


Declawing is not a difference of opinion. It's simply wrong.

This is the usual way it goes. The vet suggests declawing during the spaying or neutering, claiming the cat doesn't mind. Or the cat claws furniture and the person doesn't know how, or can't be bothered, to train the cat. The claws are a potential problem, so we eliminate the claws.

The problems are just beginning.

This isn't just removing the claws. This is removing the first joint of the toes. Which happens to be what the cat walks on.

This is how cats can move so quickly and silently. Their mode of walking is known as digitigrade; walking on their digits. Walking on what is partially removed from the operation. It's difficult enough if all goes well. Nature has of way of trying to repair what has been damaged, since it is so important to the cat's survival. There's a one in three chance the cat will require further operations because of complications and poor healing.

Now the cat cannot walk normally. This throws off their exquisite balance and creates stresses throughout their whole body. This stress gets multiplied by mental stresses. Even if the cat never used their claws defensively, they knew they could. Now they know they cannot. There is a usual reaction to this.

The cat becomes a biter.

Now the person, who was either unprepared or unwilling to simply train the cat in proper scratching behavior, has a cat who doesn't scratch. Instead, they have a cat who bites and is defensive and will show more bad behavior because that is a cat's usual response to stress. People have told me, unaware of the irony of their words, that the cat was fine afterwards... except they needed to get a different litter, because the cat's paws were so sensitive to normal litter they wouldn't use the litter box anymore. That the cat acts the same... except they are more withdrawn, and don't play as much, and don't seem to come around for affection as much. But they tell me the cat didn't mind it.

Until I don't hear much about the cat at all anymore. This is the best case scenario; one in which the cat fades from their notice, a pained little shadow that lurks around the house. The rest of the time, the cat becomes more and more of a problem. If it's lucky, it winds up in the shelter. Often, they are simply dumped, with even less chance than a functioning cat of surviving out there.

Declawed cats are abandoned out of all proportion to their numbers in the population. Their new behavior problems are how they wind up in the shelter or on the street. Have you ever considered how that happens? How a cat, who has been crippled to prevent problems, winds up being such a problem their people don't want them anymore?

Wasn't the declawing operation supposed to prevent that?

Go ahead, check out Petfinder. See the symbol that shows the cat which now needs a home has been declawed? It's a purplish paw. See how often the symbols for No Other Cats, No Children, No Dogs, and other warnings show up with that damning paw symbol? I have.

This is a neurotic, crippled, damaged cat. Which nobody wants.

And somebody paid money to do that on purpose.

It's far better to find alternatives to declawing.

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New Cat: Changing Dynamics

RJ enjoys his Christmas mouse.


Will getting a new cat change the other cats' personality? No, but it will change the dynamics of the house. It can bring out new aspects of the other cats' existing personality; for good or ill.

We got RJ and Mr. Bond some new mice for Christmas. These have metallic looking skins, and, for us, soft bodies that don't mind being stepped on. Because they will be stepped on.

RJ and Mr. Bond, both Betas, love their mice. I've thrown away five skinned, de-eared, and otherwise thoroughly conquered mice in the last few weeks. Mr. Bond approves of RJ's interests, and doesn't mind sharing the supply. He's been playing with RJ, which consists mostly of not minding being the Tokoyo to RJ's Godzilla.

When it comes to adding a kitten to the household, Not Minding is a tremendous asset.

The older and less active the cat, the more they will find a new kitten to be a trying experience. When I first went looking for a new kitten, I was looking for a Gamma. With a ten year old Beta, and an older Gamma, bringing in a Beta kitten was a bit of a gamble. What tipped the balance was RJ being a deprived kitten who would take some time to get comfortable in the house, and thus be more deferential during that time. By the time RJ had become the maniac he periodically is, the other cats had become adjusted to having more mayhem around.

I was confident Mr. Bond would find RJ both interesting and something he could handle. Puffy has been the surprise. Our goal was to make sure RJ would simply leave him alone. But Puffy has gone beyond that. He now has been seen on the bed with the other two cats, the twice-a-day canned feeding schedule brings him out of his lair consistently, and he doesn't blink when RJ zooms by.

Puffy is actually more visible than he was before we got the kitten. We make a big fuss over him when we see him, we make sure RJ is not too obnoxious in his attentions, and we keep his routines much as they were before the new addition joined us.

By making sure Puffy keeps his stability, we've given him a platform that allows him to happily continue being the Puffy we know and love; and the opportunity to be even more.

Policing the situation has been the key element in creating cat harmony. We have not "left it up to the cats." If we had, Puffy would be cowering in a corner, RJ would not have learned he must moderate his play overtures, and Mr. Bond would have felt alone in his attempts to discipline the antics that were wreaking havoc in the house.

RJ can't help having a short attention span and an overwhelming interest in playing with any animate or inanimate object which crosses his random path. He's a kitten. But he can learn respect and timing, which lets everyone have their quiet spaces, and enjoy the lively energy he brings.


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Dear Pammy, What if I ignore my cat?

photo of Elphaba, by Amy

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How to Save Money on Cats

Get your cat money bank here.


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Dear Pammy, Should I get my cat a kitten?

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The Kitten Crazies

RJ with his puzzle box, which simulates the hunt.


At almost seven months old, RJ is coming to his kitten crazies a bit late, but deprived kittens often have disjointed development periods.

Last night was calm, until one in the morning, when the Urge to Play took over. At such times kittens develop a crazed look. There's usually only room in their baby brains for one thing at a time, and when they get ballistic at the wrong times, we first have to get their attention before we can get through to them.

Mr. Bond was also a culprit, and he settled down as soon as I told them, "Now is not the time." But RJ was in the groove, and after two or three scoldings didn't work, I pulled him into bed and tried some calming petting. He seemed to settle down, but then I heard all the rattling and pouncing starting again. So now I pull out the spray bottle, and blast him as he's running by. This got his attention.

Now he got the message, and soon he was curled up on the covers, tight against my feet, and finally went to sleep. Today he was extra cuddly, as though he was saying he was sorry.

I don't doubt that he is.

By showing him, in his calmer states, the behavior we expect from him, we have a bridge to his "better self" that we can reach when he's not as able to concentrate. It took a while, but I did get through to him, and we all got a good night's sleep.

This is why kitten training starts the moment they come through the door. Praise for anything they are doing that pleases us will give them a "go to" when they are getting in trouble. When they want to please us, and equally importantly, when they know how, they will do so more often than not.

What if they go crazy? Wild play is part of being a kitten. That is why we should kitten proof as much as we are able, give them a lot of toys so they can find the one that suits their mood, and encourage them to play when we are up and active. They aren't going to be calm and quiet all the time. They are kittens. Growing bones, muscles, and minds; all have to be exercised.

By getting them to play when we come home, after dinner, and again before bed, we are making sure they get their play time, and also get their companion time with us. Interacting with us will get them to listen when they need to.

Sometimes it doesn't matter if the kitten decides to play in the wee hours, especially if they are using soft toys. (We did remember to pick up all the ones with bells on them before bed, didn't we?) But when the kitten disrupts our sleep, a bedtime ritual will signal their brain that we want them to at least be quiet when we are. Cats are naturally nocturnal. But we will want to maximize their time with us, and that clock can be gradually reset by encouraging them to play and sleep on our schedule. This is something they will want to do when their time with us is enjoyable.

Kittenhood is a great time for learning. Don't make the mistake of finding them too cute to discipline, and then have to step in with an exasperated attitude. This only confuses the kitten. Be both firm and friendly from the beginning, start soft and small, and only ramp up when we need to. This is how we gain the cat's trust and love.

These are not only the best motivators; they are the only ones which work with cats.


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The Founding Mother of Cat Psychology

Cat therapist Carole Wilbourn is still consulting, and still writing books. I think of her as the founder of present cat psychology, since she's been doing this for thirty years, in a field that many people pretend does not exist. She started from a radical concept.

Cats have feelings.

When I was discovering cats, in the early 1980's, it was Carole Wilbourn's books which opened the door to being fascinated by cats.

This was when psychological dog training started to be noticed as well. I used it on my dogs with great success. I was thrilled to find there was this writer who talked about the importance of looking at things from the "cat's view." When I began interacting with my cats based on her principles, I discovered what she said was true, and how much understanding and love could come from this realization.

The "Wilbourn Ways" of curing and preventing cats' behavior problems has contributed greatly to my own understanding of cats.

Known as "The Cat Talker" and "The Kitty Freud," she publishes regularly in magazines and newspapers, and had a monthly column, "Cats on the Couch," which ran for 16 years in Cat Fancy magazine. The column now appears on Carole's page on the In Defense of Animals website. She was also co-founder of the first hospital for cats only, located in Manhattan.

I have linked to her website, The Cat Therapist, in my More About Cats link list.

Unfortunately, a hard drive crash has wiped out her email newsletter list. So I'm posting this appeal to let people know they can sign up from either of the links in this post, to get the latest information on cat psychology and cat rescue.

I've been meaning to do a post about her anyway, as a way of saying thanks and acknowledging the Cat Mentor who started me on my own path. Because it's true what she says:

"One cat just leads to another."


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Accepting the New Kitten

Mr. Bond has demonstrated a breakthrough in kitten acceptance.

We’ve gotten into the habit of feeding rapacious RJ in the bathroom, so the other two cats can enjoy their canned meals without a kitten head in their bowl. Once they are done, we let RJ out.

The other night Mr. Bond asked us to let RJ out. He stood in the hallway and wailed, and when Dear Husband went to see what was the matter, he twirled in front of the bathroom door. RJ wants to come out.

When we let RJ out, it wasn’t that Mr. Bond made a fuss over him. Mr. Bond went back down the hallway, pretending he was just being observant and helpful, like he always is. Mr. Bond has not outwardly changed His Official Platform, which is that the kitten is a useless pain in the patootie. That’s his story, and he’s sticking to it.

But this is just one of a lot of little things that let us know what is really going on. Mr. Bond has gotten more vocal and insistent when it’s meal time. He makes a big show of watching the Litter Robot when it cycles. He will put his front paws on Dear Husband’s chair when RJ is sleeping there, (since Mr. Bond sleeps on my chair, that's special) to check if RJ is there, and likes to lie on his rug and watch RJ play with toys.

Mr. Bond is fussing over things he knows quite well. He's doing it for RJ's benefit. He wants RJ to learn How Things Are Done. While RJ is enjoying his new Cheese Chase toy, Mr. Bond is right there, lurking around the armchairs, watching.

This is often how it will be when we get a kitten for an older cat. Mr. Bond is ten, and starting to have a "get those kids off my lawn" attitude. Mr. Bond is used to Puffy being, in cat terms, a lump of passivity who can only be relied upon in an emergency, such as changing the location of the litter box or fireworks festivities. At such important times, they will consult. But in Mr. Bond's daily routine, Puffy figures somewhere below the arrival of cars in the back parking lot.

We got a new kitten, in part, so Mr. Bond could have a cat companion. His only cat friend died of pancreatic cancer at age 14. Mr. Bond still misses him; years later I mentioned Bubby's name, and triggered Mr. Bond into searching the apartment for him. So now I don't mention him by name in Mr. Bond's presence, simply saying, "The Fabulous B Cat." Mr. Bond is responding to RJ, but it takes an attuned sensibility to notice it.

But that is Mr. Bond's way. I got him in the first place because he was so cautious and careful about new things. He was one of a litter dumped in a cardboard box at a pet store I used to frequent. The pet store put the kittens in a cage by the cash register in an attempt to get new homes for them. Three cats went quickly. But not this kitten, who was there day after day, squashed into a corner of the cage, eyes wide in fright. "No one can cuddle him," I was told. So, nobody wanted him.

I thought he was only semi-feral, judging by the quick acceptance of his littermates. So I took him out, calmed his struggles, and convinced him, with slow blinks of my eyes, that I was his friend. I triumphantly took him back to the cashier to show how cuddly he could be. But when I tried to transfer him to the teenager's arms, I realized I had tripped him, all right. He was sweet and cuddly. But, as it turned out, only with me. I had touched his Only Cat heart, and so I had to take him home.

Mr. Bond's heart is closely guarded. But I know he will let others in. It took four years for him to relax in Dear Husband's arms. I'm thinking he will accept RJ in considerably less time. RJ is a kitten, blunt to rebuffs. RJ is also a Maine Coon mix, like The Fabulous B Cat, and is a Beta cat, with a deeply loving nature. Just like Mr. Bond.

Recently, Mr. Bond was spotted enjoying the Cat Attack toy, batting at the wand when it jittered over to his side, and letting RJ attack when it wandered over to RJ's side. RJ still gets in trouble, disrupts the happy routine, and demonstrates daily that he Knows Nothing. He's still a pain in the patootie. But maybe, maybe... Mr. Bond is thinking he's not completely useless.

Raising a Happy Kitten

Claims he's not plotting anything.

Kittens are a special challenge because, like all young things, they have trouble remembering what they are supposed to do when what they want to do is uppermost in their mind.

So they will, like RJ, chase a fly into a lamp and break it. As distressing as broken stuff might be, this is actually something unlikely to happen again. If it made a big noise at the time of its demise, the kitten will decide on their own that this was not a good idea. That’s why a broken lamp will keep them off tables, but they will rip apart roll after roll of toilet paper unless we interfere. One makes a big bad noise. The other is fun.

Aside from writing off breakage as a lesson learned, what can we do about kittens? The first step is kitten proofing. Now is the time to secure or remove potential problems. We don't just tell toddlers not to stick their fingers in electrical sockets. We recognize they can't grasp the concept, and take steps.

Some temptations must remain, such as the tangle of cords around the television or stereo. These hold a special fascination, and also require special handling. When the kitten tries to play with them, we try to catch the kitten's attention with a stern (not loud) tone, and remove them from the wires or distract them with a thrown toy. If the kitten persists, we can give them a timeout in another room. Always give them an alternative that they get praise for choosing, by cooing at them and telling them "That's a good kitten."

Kittens do respond to praise and affection, but sometimes it is not enough if they find the wires too seductive. Since they obviously like this kind of toy, make them some. Find or create a safe alternative that uses string or yarn. Get a dangly toy that will distract them. Keep these toys out and in use, so we don't train them to play with the wires in order to get attention. They should be getting lots of attention anyway, especially when they are being good. How else will they learn what being good means?

If they still persist in playing with wires, we have to persuade them the wires are not good to be played with. Since we are dealing with electronics, the best method is the canned air used to clean delicate equipment. A quick blast when they attack the wires will make the kitten think the wires hissed at them, and next time might be worse. That is what will persuade them.

RJ has learned, via praise and gentle scolding, to leave everything alone; except Puffy. We do use a squirt bottle when he harasses Puffy. Unless a kitten is a Gamma, who can be disciplined with a disapproving look, most kittens will find something irrestible and require something a little more persuasive. The important point is to not overuse this last ditch method. At this point, all we need do is shake the bottle, and RJ remembers he's not supposed to bother Puffy.

We must keep that realization uppermost in our minds. Kittens don't misbehave to spite us, torment us, or make us unhappy. Kittens misbehave because they have, at the moment, forgotten. The gentlest way of reminding them will increase their ability to do so, while at the same time safeguarding our now and future relationship.

We got the kitten to have someone to love. Remember?

Kittens of Mass Destruction

Our shower curtain. After.


A few weeks in, RJ explored the shower curtain. It did not react well. The next time he came in the bathroom, I shook the curtain and sadly explained the poor way the curtain would now work for its intended purpose. RJ was also there when I taped up the shower curtain to keep it working while I showed my displeasure with the tone of my voice. I didn't want to replace it until I knew he had gotten the message. He has, and we now have a new shower curtain, which, so far, he has left alone.

If what I have described sounds like a cat discipline experience you have not enjoyed, then it's never too late to start.

It is completely pointless to discipline a cat with physical means. Because:

• It doesn't work.


• It increases the cat's stress, which increases misbehavior.


• It makes the cat afraid of you.

Every time I hear of someone spanking, swatting, grabbing, or shaking their cat, I wince, and I don't always hide it. I always point out how counterproductive it is. For a cat to connect their actions with our displeasure requires a level of communication and trust which is destroyed by our hitting the cat.

If we happen upon the scene just as the cat is doing something wrong, we often have the impulse to grab the cat and show our displeasure. But the moment we lay hands on the cat, it is no longer about what the cat did. It now becomes about what we are doing. What we are doing is, at the least, scaring the cat, and at most, hurting them.

We think we are setting up a connection in the cat that lets them know their behavior will result in an unpleasant experience. But by getting physical, we are setting up an entirely different connection. Now the cat will associate us with something unpleasant. And us is what the cat will want to avoid.

I handled the shower curtain in an entirely different way. Since I didn't catch RJ in the act, I missed my opportunity to make a direct connection. Still, cats are smart, so when I followed him into the bathroom, he was naturally interested in what I was doing. Both times when I handled the curtain and acted distressed over its state, I was letting him know I didn't like the curtain in that state.

RJ put it together in his own little head. He hasn't touched either shower curtain since.

I can do this because RJ cares about making me happy. He thrives on my love, and wishes to return it. Once he knows that something he did made me unhappy, he will voluntarily not do that again.

Some people marvel that I can dissuade any of my cats from playing with something with a simple request. I get my cats to care about what I want by caring about what they want. I don't regard it as miraculous.

It's love.

Rescue of a Shelter Kitten

This is RJ.

This is his mugshot. He's around three months old in this picture, taken when he came into the shelter I got him from, and he'd been there three weeks, and in two other shelters before that. He got into the system from the Big City. He was being held as evidence, but no one knew what kind.

That is all we know of his past.


I had come to get Gobi. I had found him in Petfinder.com, by expanding my search for certain characteristics; the long hair and broad head that might hint at the mellow disposition I was looking for. An hour away. When I came into the shelter I was disappointed and elated to hear that Gobi had gotten a home the previous day. He'd been there three weeks, and I had gotten a long distance crush on him. But of course, as my friend pointed out, we had come here to look at kittens, so of course we had to look at kittens.

We looked at several kittens, so by the time we came to the kitten alone in its cage, he had woken up. I needed a kitten for easy blending with two middleaged cats and a husband with a chronic illness, and it had to be the right kitten, too.

This kitten wanted to make eye contact. A great sign of the friendliness and sensitivity I was looking for. I knew he'd been overlooked for a while, because, with his status as evidence, he wasn't on Petfinder, and there were younger kittens around him. When he turned around I discovered he was a boy, quite a boy already. His fur was skimpy and his tail resembled a rat's. He rubbed his face on the bars to show affection, and drew me closer, to pat my cheeks with nails held in and finished with a pat on the nose.

Okay, it was over.

I called the Big City police department and managed to get him sprung the next day. I deduce that he was taken from his mother too soon, because he nurses in his sleep sometimes. I saw that he was not like any of the other kittens in the shelter, and held in a separate cage, so whatever he had gone through, he had done it alone. I know he hadn't gotten enough to eat for quite a long time, because I brought him home with his eyes still sunken in their sockets.

I gladly paid the shelter fees and added extra. They were doing important work, not least keeping him alive and taken care of until I could find him.

Gobi found a home. Reverend Jim found a home. Perhaps Gobi and RJ are no more than birthday candles in a vast and indifferent darkness. We do what we can, and what we could do was find a wonderful cat and give them a home.



To keep that little candle from being puffed out.