Why do cats turn their backs?

Why do cats turn their backs?

In cat language, this is saying, You have hurt my feelings.

It often follows up a greeting and we can feel hurt. Didn't they miss us? Yes, they did! And this is how they say so.

Cats do this to let us know they felt pushed aside for other interests. What is the right way to respond?

Acknowledge the hurt feelings. If we've been away for the evening or for the fortnight, they missed us. Isn't that sweet? The way cats say they've missed us is to show their hurt. That's what the Turned Back is about.

Let them know, we've missed them, too.

Make it up to them. We should apologize. Did we mean to hurt their feelings? Of course not. We hurt them by making them think they had been abandoned. When we were small, we felt the same way if Mom and Dad left us with someone else too long.

So offer them treats, let them smell our souvenirs, or explore our suitcase.

Don't retaliate, reciprocate. We can misinterpret the Turned Back and think it means our cat didn't miss us, but what our cat is saying is the opposite. The more the cat tries to pretend their feelings aren't hurt; the more they are.

Tell them they are right. We were awful not to take them with us, but they wouldn't have liked that, either.

Find out more with the article, Cat Communication Move: the Turned Back.

The three cat types

People tend to think of cats as "all alike." But nothing could be further from the truth.

James Bond (top) Reverend Jim (left) Sir Tristan (right)

These three cats are all boys, all tabbies, all raised from kittens in my home. They all love cuddles and affection, play with each other, and behave like gentlemen.

They are three very different cats.

James Bond has always adored me, but took a few years to reach that level with my husband. He is still shy with strangers, and takes a while to make friends of them. He takes it upon himself to monitor all activity around the place, and will summon me if an object or situation needs attention. He amuses himself with his favorite toys.

Reverend Jim is highly affectionate with everyone, if they pet him in a way that preserves his dignity. He might hide at first, but once encouraged will quickly warm up, meet and greet, and curl up on a living room chair. RJ sees his only responsibility as behaving as I request; but he can forget in the heat of the moment. He has particular games he loves to play, and relies on me to provide them, even if he forgets to ask.

Sir Tristan is a cuddle bunny who needs to touch base a dozen times a day. He loves to show off for guests. He might not let them pet him on short notice, now that he's grown up, but he wants to be the center of attention. He tries to "be good" but his mind moves like quicksilver and he often loses focus. He does not have any concept of responsibility. He requires a cat tree, popup cubes to hide in, and a lot of sponge balls. He has no trouble keeping himself amused; our task is to remind him what is not a toy.

James Bond has a lot of Gamma tendencies; he's self-contained, self-amusing, and likes routine. He hates to misbehave and leaves our things alone. Reverend Jim is all Beta; he's social, friends with everyone, and easily trained once he has matured. Sir Tristan leans towards the Alpha side of the cat spectrum; high energy, bright and mischievous, always looking for something to explore.

These three cats are good examples of the three different Cat Types. While they are distinct individuals who express their type tendencies in their own ways, they developed predictably, from young kittenhood, because I accurately figured out what Cat Type they were. This is how we can choose the right cat for us.

Learn all the cat types.

Cats have to hide their love away

Many people think cats are not affectionate because they have never gotten affection from a cat.

With that attitude, they never will.

As humans, we cannot do anything we are unable to imagine, first. So if we do not think a certain thing is possible, we do not even try. This is the roadblock many cats run into in their quest for homes.

• People "wind up" with a cat. 
• They hear cats are not affectionate.
• They don't make affectionate overtures.
• Cat thinks people are not affectionate.
• Love stalemate.

If we have every been puzzled about why people acquire and enjoy multiple cats, it's not that they are "animal hoarders" and it's not that they are delusional. They actually get affection from cats; so much that they want more.

Unfortunately, if we do not think cats are affectionate; we are not going to see cat lovers as rational beings making a sensible choice. If we do not understand when cats do make affectionate overtures, we will not know they want to be friends.

Simple ways people go wrong are easily fixed:

• Don't treat the cat as though they were a dog. They are not a dog.
• Many "pets" are actually threatening to cats; like bouncing our hand on their head.
• Invite the cat in; don't chase them down.
• Learn the cat's ways of showing they like us.
• Show the cat affection in a way they like.

For more about loving our cat in ways they understand, see Fixing cats who won’t cuddle.