The right number of kittens

Sometimes, we shouldn't get one kitten. We should get two!

Here are some examples of when it's better to get two kittens:

Who would they play with if each were alone?

• When we are starting from scratch, and have no cats.
• When our present cat is too old to keep up with a kitten.
• When we have chosen a kitten who needs close companionship.

There are many shelters who encourage double adoptions, from offering a discount for a second cat to making sure cats leave the shelter in twos.

It's not just finding twice as many homes. It's much easier to get our cat's playtime and social needs meet when they have each other. This keeps our cats friendly and social with humans, too.

Some cats enjoy their solitude. But some cats really need lots of fellow cat playtime, like Alphas, or need a cat friend, like a Beta, or can use the reassurance of a fellow cat, like a Gamma.

If we are going to enjoy cats, we are going to want more. So getting cats two at a time create less friction and more fun... right from the beginning. To revitalize an older cat, or resolve a two cat conflict, Third Cat can be magic.

For an example of how this worked for a reader of mine, see Dear Pammy, It’s true about Cat Civilization.

Why can't I pet my kitten?

It's hard to resist our new cute cuddly kitten!

But if we have trouble cuddling them, if they seem to bite and claw us instead of being snuggly and sweet, we might be making these classic mistakes:

Giving them our hand to play with. Our kitten needs to learn that our hands are not their toys. We are not teaching them this if we use our hand like a toy!

Always hold the toy with out hand far out of the "danger zone." We can even use a stuffed animal to play with them, but don't let them pounce on, scratch, or bite our hand.

They are just babies, and don't know they are hurting us.

Being too rough. A lot of people think cats want to rough-house. But let's be clear: they don't. They never do.

We can mistake our cat's refusal to back off or run away as a sign that "they like it." But what we've done is make our kitten feel that they have to defend themselves. This can make our kitten run away, or this can make our kitten feel like they can't back off, or we will get even rougher!

Either way, they won't be our friend. Don't teach our kitten to play rough with us; and we won't get scratched by our cat.

Trying to pet them when their energy is high. When our kitten is full of energy and wanting to play, anything that comes their way is going to get played with.

We should play with them until they get tired; then we want cuddling, and will welcome it.

Trying to pet them when they are distracted by something else. If our kitten is intent on wrestling something, our petting hand is remind them of something to wrestle. If they are stalking a toy mouse or chasing a ball, they can only think about one thing at a time; and if they are feeling like play, play is what they will think about.

Wait until our kitten starts slowing down, lying down, or finding places to sleep. Then gentle petting will make our kitten happy.

Then they will love us.

Raise the kitten right! See how to keep our kitten cuddly.

Dear Pammy, Should I get my cat a kitten?

This post has been moved to the new blog.


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The Kitten Crazies

RJ with his puzzle box, which simulates the hunt.


At almost seven months old, RJ is coming to his kitten crazies a bit late, but deprived kittens often have disjointed development periods.

Last night was calm, until one in the morning, when the Urge to Play took over. At such times kittens develop a crazed look. There's usually only room in their baby brains for one thing at a time, and when they get ballistic at the wrong times, we first have to get their attention before we can get through to them.

Mr. Bond was also a culprit, and he settled down as soon as I told them, "Now is not the time." But RJ was in the groove, and after two or three scoldings didn't work, I pulled him into bed and tried some calming petting. He seemed to settle down, but then I heard all the rattling and pouncing starting again. So now I pull out the spray bottle, and blast him as he's running by. This got his attention.

Now he got the message, and soon he was curled up on the covers, tight against my feet, and finally went to sleep. Today he was extra cuddly, as though he was saying he was sorry.

I don't doubt that he is.

By showing him, in his calmer states, the behavior we expect from him, we have a bridge to his "better self" that we can reach when he's not as able to concentrate. It took a while, but I did get through to him, and we all got a good night's sleep.

This is why kitten training starts the moment they come through the door. Praise for anything they are doing that pleases us will give them a "go to" when they are getting in trouble. When they want to please us, and equally importantly, when they know how, they will do so more often than not.

What if they go crazy? Wild play is part of being a kitten. That is why we should kitten proof as much as we are able, give them a lot of toys so they can find the one that suits their mood, and encourage them to play when we are up and active. They aren't going to be calm and quiet all the time. They are kittens. Growing bones, muscles, and minds; all have to be exercised.

By getting them to play when we come home, after dinner, and again before bed, we are making sure they get their play time, and also get their companion time with us. Interacting with us will get them to listen when they need to.

Sometimes it doesn't matter if the kitten decides to play in the wee hours, especially if they are using soft toys. (We did remember to pick up all the ones with bells on them before bed, didn't we?) But when the kitten disrupts our sleep, a bedtime ritual will signal their brain that we want them to at least be quiet when we are. Cats are naturally nocturnal. But we will want to maximize their time with us, and that clock can be gradually reset by encouraging them to play and sleep on our schedule. This is something they will want to do when their time with us is enjoyable.

Kittenhood is a great time for learning. Don't make the mistake of finding them too cute to discipline, and then have to step in with an exasperated attitude. This only confuses the kitten. Be both firm and friendly from the beginning, start soft and small, and only ramp up when we need to. This is how we gain the cat's trust and love.

These are not only the best motivators; they are the only ones which work with cats.


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Raising a Happy Kitten

Claims he's not plotting anything.

Kittens are a special challenge because, like all young things, they have trouble remembering what they are supposed to do when what they want to do is uppermost in their mind.

So they will, like RJ, chase a fly into a lamp and break it. As distressing as broken stuff might be, this is actually something unlikely to happen again. If it made a big noise at the time of its demise, the kitten will decide on their own that this was not a good idea. That’s why a broken lamp will keep them off tables, but they will rip apart roll after roll of toilet paper unless we interfere. One makes a big bad noise. The other is fun.

Aside from writing off breakage as a lesson learned, what can we do about kittens? The first step is kitten proofing. Now is the time to secure or remove potential problems. We don't just tell toddlers not to stick their fingers in electrical sockets. We recognize they can't grasp the concept, and take steps.

Some temptations must remain, such as the tangle of cords around the television or stereo. These hold a special fascination, and also require special handling. When the kitten tries to play with them, we try to catch the kitten's attention with a stern (not loud) tone, and remove them from the wires or distract them with a thrown toy. If the kitten persists, we can give them a timeout in another room. Always give them an alternative that they get praise for choosing, by cooing at them and telling them "That's a good kitten."

Kittens do respond to praise and affection, but sometimes it is not enough if they find the wires too seductive. Since they obviously like this kind of toy, make them some. Find or create a safe alternative that uses string or yarn. Get a dangly toy that will distract them. Keep these toys out and in use, so we don't train them to play with the wires in order to get attention. They should be getting lots of attention anyway, especially when they are being good. How else will they learn what being good means?

If they still persist in playing with wires, we have to persuade them the wires are not good to be played with. Since we are dealing with electronics, the best method is the canned air used to clean delicate equipment. A quick blast when they attack the wires will make the kitten think the wires hissed at them, and next time might be worse. That is what will persuade them.

RJ has learned, via praise and gentle scolding, to leave everything alone; except Puffy. We do use a squirt bottle when he harasses Puffy. Unless a kitten is a Gamma, who can be disciplined with a disapproving look, most kittens will find something irrestible and require something a little more persuasive. The important point is to not overuse this last ditch method. At this point, all we need do is shake the bottle, and RJ remembers he's not supposed to bother Puffy.

We must keep that realization uppermost in our minds. Kittens don't misbehave to spite us, torment us, or make us unhappy. Kittens misbehave because they have, at the moment, forgotten. The gentlest way of reminding them will increase their ability to do so, while at the same time safeguarding our now and future relationship.

We got the kitten to have someone to love. Remember?

Kittens of Mass Destruction

Our shower curtain. After.


A few weeks in, RJ explored the shower curtain. It did not react well. The next time he came in the bathroom, I shook the curtain and sadly explained the poor way the curtain would now work for its intended purpose. RJ was also there when I taped up the shower curtain to keep it working while I showed my displeasure with the tone of my voice. I didn't want to replace it until I knew he had gotten the message. He has, and we now have a new shower curtain, which, so far, he has left alone.

If what I have described sounds like a cat discipline experience you have not enjoyed, then it's never too late to start.

It is completely pointless to discipline a cat with physical means. Because:

• It doesn't work.


• It increases the cat's stress, which increases misbehavior.


• It makes the cat afraid of you.

Every time I hear of someone spanking, swatting, grabbing, or shaking their cat, I wince, and I don't always hide it. I always point out how counterproductive it is. For a cat to connect their actions with our displeasure requires a level of communication and trust which is destroyed by our hitting the cat.

If we happen upon the scene just as the cat is doing something wrong, we often have the impulse to grab the cat and show our displeasure. But the moment we lay hands on the cat, it is no longer about what the cat did. It now becomes about what we are doing. What we are doing is, at the least, scaring the cat, and at most, hurting them.

We think we are setting up a connection in the cat that lets them know their behavior will result in an unpleasant experience. But by getting physical, we are setting up an entirely different connection. Now the cat will associate us with something unpleasant. And us is what the cat will want to avoid.

I handled the shower curtain in an entirely different way. Since I didn't catch RJ in the act, I missed my opportunity to make a direct connection. Still, cats are smart, so when I followed him into the bathroom, he was naturally interested in what I was doing. Both times when I handled the curtain and acted distressed over its state, I was letting him know I didn't like the curtain in that state.

RJ put it together in his own little head. He hasn't touched either shower curtain since.

I can do this because RJ cares about making me happy. He thrives on my love, and wishes to return it. Once he knows that something he did made me unhappy, he will voluntarily not do that again.

Some people marvel that I can dissuade any of my cats from playing with something with a simple request. I get my cats to care about what I want by caring about what they want. I don't regard it as miraculous.

It's love.

Rescue of a Shelter Kitten

This is RJ.

This is his mugshot. He's around three months old in this picture, taken when he came into the shelter I got him from, and he'd been there three weeks, and in two other shelters before that. He got into the system from the Big City. He was being held as evidence, but no one knew what kind.

That is all we know of his past.


I had come to get Gobi. I had found him in Petfinder.com, by expanding my search for certain characteristics; the long hair and broad head that might hint at the mellow disposition I was looking for. An hour away. When I came into the shelter I was disappointed and elated to hear that Gobi had gotten a home the previous day. He'd been there three weeks, and I had gotten a long distance crush on him. But of course, as my friend pointed out, we had come here to look at kittens, so of course we had to look at kittens.

We looked at several kittens, so by the time we came to the kitten alone in its cage, he had woken up. I needed a kitten for easy blending with two middleaged cats and a husband with a chronic illness, and it had to be the right kitten, too.

This kitten wanted to make eye contact. A great sign of the friendliness and sensitivity I was looking for. I knew he'd been overlooked for a while, because, with his status as evidence, he wasn't on Petfinder, and there were younger kittens around him. When he turned around I discovered he was a boy, quite a boy already. His fur was skimpy and his tail resembled a rat's. He rubbed his face on the bars to show affection, and drew me closer, to pat my cheeks with nails held in and finished with a pat on the nose.

Okay, it was over.

I called the Big City police department and managed to get him sprung the next day. I deduce that he was taken from his mother too soon, because he nurses in his sleep sometimes. I saw that he was not like any of the other kittens in the shelter, and held in a separate cage, so whatever he had gone through, he had done it alone. I know he hadn't gotten enough to eat for quite a long time, because I brought him home with his eyes still sunken in their sockets.

I gladly paid the shelter fees and added extra. They were doing important work, not least keeping him alive and taken care of until I could find him.

Gobi found a home. Reverend Jim found a home. Perhaps Gobi and RJ are no more than birthday candles in a vast and indifferent darkness. We do what we can, and what we could do was find a wonderful cat and give them a home.



To keep that little candle from being puffed out.