Dear Pammy, Should I get my cat a kitten?

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The Kitten Crazies

RJ with his puzzle box, which simulates the hunt.


At almost seven months old, RJ is coming to his kitten crazies a bit late, but deprived kittens often have disjointed development periods.

Last night was calm, until one in the morning, when the Urge to Play took over. At such times kittens develop a crazed look. There's usually only room in their baby brains for one thing at a time, and when they get ballistic at the wrong times, we first have to get their attention before we can get through to them.

Mr. Bond was also a culprit, and he settled down as soon as I told them, "Now is not the time." But RJ was in the groove, and after two or three scoldings didn't work, I pulled him into bed and tried some calming petting. He seemed to settle down, but then I heard all the rattling and pouncing starting again. So now I pull out the spray bottle, and blast him as he's running by. This got his attention.

Now he got the message, and soon he was curled up on the covers, tight against my feet, and finally went to sleep. Today he was extra cuddly, as though he was saying he was sorry.

I don't doubt that he is.

By showing him, in his calmer states, the behavior we expect from him, we have a bridge to his "better self" that we can reach when he's not as able to concentrate. It took a while, but I did get through to him, and we all got a good night's sleep.

This is why kitten training starts the moment they come through the door. Praise for anything they are doing that pleases us will give them a "go to" when they are getting in trouble. When they want to please us, and equally importantly, when they know how, they will do so more often than not.

What if they go crazy? Wild play is part of being a kitten. That is why we should kitten proof as much as we are able, give them a lot of toys so they can find the one that suits their mood, and encourage them to play when we are up and active. They aren't going to be calm and quiet all the time. They are kittens. Growing bones, muscles, and minds; all have to be exercised.

By getting them to play when we come home, after dinner, and again before bed, we are making sure they get their play time, and also get their companion time with us. Interacting with us will get them to listen when they need to.

Sometimes it doesn't matter if the kitten decides to play in the wee hours, especially if they are using soft toys. (We did remember to pick up all the ones with bells on them before bed, didn't we?) But when the kitten disrupts our sleep, a bedtime ritual will signal their brain that we want them to at least be quiet when we are. Cats are naturally nocturnal. But we will want to maximize their time with us, and that clock can be gradually reset by encouraging them to play and sleep on our schedule. This is something they will want to do when their time with us is enjoyable.

Kittenhood is a great time for learning. Don't make the mistake of finding them too cute to discipline, and then have to step in with an exasperated attitude. This only confuses the kitten. Be both firm and friendly from the beginning, start soft and small, and only ramp up when we need to. This is how we gain the cat's trust and love.

These are not only the best motivators; they are the only ones which work with cats.


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The Founding Mother of Cat Psychology

Cat therapist Carole Wilbourn is still consulting, and still writing books. I think of her as the founder of present cat psychology, since she's been doing this for thirty years, in a field that many people pretend does not exist. She started from a radical concept.

Cats have feelings.

When I was discovering cats, in the early 1980's, it was Carole Wilbourn's books which opened the door to being fascinated by cats.

This was when psychological dog training started to be noticed as well. I used it on my dogs with great success. I was thrilled to find there was this writer who talked about the importance of looking at things from the "cat's view." When I began interacting with my cats based on her principles, I discovered what she said was true, and how much understanding and love could come from this realization.

The "Wilbourn Ways" of curing and preventing cats' behavior problems has contributed greatly to my own understanding of cats.

Known as "The Cat Talker" and "The Kitty Freud," she publishes regularly in magazines and newspapers, and had a monthly column, "Cats on the Couch," which ran for 16 years in Cat Fancy magazine. The column now appears on Carole's page on the In Defense of Animals website. She was also co-founder of the first hospital for cats only, located in Manhattan.

I have linked to her website, The Cat Therapist, in my More About Cats link list.

Unfortunately, a hard drive crash has wiped out her email newsletter list. So I'm posting this appeal to let people know they can sign up from either of the links in this post, to get the latest information on cat psychology and cat rescue.

I've been meaning to do a post about her anyway, as a way of saying thanks and acknowledging the Cat Mentor who started me on my own path. Because it's true what she says:

"One cat just leads to another."


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Accepting the New Kitten

Mr. Bond has demonstrated a breakthrough in kitten acceptance.

We’ve gotten into the habit of feeding rapacious RJ in the bathroom, so the other two cats can enjoy their canned meals without a kitten head in their bowl. Once they are done, we let RJ out.

The other night Mr. Bond asked us to let RJ out. He stood in the hallway and wailed, and when Dear Husband went to see what was the matter, he twirled in front of the bathroom door. RJ wants to come out.

When we let RJ out, it wasn’t that Mr. Bond made a fuss over him. Mr. Bond went back down the hallway, pretending he was just being observant and helpful, like he always is. Mr. Bond has not outwardly changed His Official Platform, which is that the kitten is a useless pain in the patootie. That’s his story, and he’s sticking to it.

But this is just one of a lot of little things that let us know what is really going on. Mr. Bond has gotten more vocal and insistent when it’s meal time. He makes a big show of watching the Litter Robot when it cycles. He will put his front paws on Dear Husband’s chair when RJ is sleeping there, (since Mr. Bond sleeps on my chair, that's special) to check if RJ is there, and likes to lie on his rug and watch RJ play with toys.

Mr. Bond is fussing over things he knows quite well. He's doing it for RJ's benefit. He wants RJ to learn How Things Are Done. While RJ is enjoying his new Cheese Chase toy, Mr. Bond is right there, lurking around the armchairs, watching.

This is often how it will be when we get a kitten for an older cat. Mr. Bond is ten, and starting to have a "get those kids off my lawn" attitude. Mr. Bond is used to Puffy being, in cat terms, a lump of passivity who can only be relied upon in an emergency, such as changing the location of the litter box or fireworks festivities. At such important times, they will consult. But in Mr. Bond's daily routine, Puffy figures somewhere below the arrival of cars in the back parking lot.

We got a new kitten, in part, so Mr. Bond could have a cat companion. His only cat friend died of pancreatic cancer at age 14. Mr. Bond still misses him; years later I mentioned Bubby's name, and triggered Mr. Bond into searching the apartment for him. So now I don't mention him by name in Mr. Bond's presence, simply saying, "The Fabulous B Cat." Mr. Bond is responding to RJ, but it takes an attuned sensibility to notice it.

But that is Mr. Bond's way. I got him in the first place because he was so cautious and careful about new things. He was one of a litter dumped in a cardboard box at a pet store I used to frequent. The pet store put the kittens in a cage by the cash register in an attempt to get new homes for them. Three cats went quickly. But not this kitten, who was there day after day, squashed into a corner of the cage, eyes wide in fright. "No one can cuddle him," I was told. So, nobody wanted him.

I thought he was only semi-feral, judging by the quick acceptance of his littermates. So I took him out, calmed his struggles, and convinced him, with slow blinks of my eyes, that I was his friend. I triumphantly took him back to the cashier to show how cuddly he could be. But when I tried to transfer him to the teenager's arms, I realized I had tripped him, all right. He was sweet and cuddly. But, as it turned out, only with me. I had touched his Only Cat heart, and so I had to take him home.

Mr. Bond's heart is closely guarded. But I know he will let others in. It took four years for him to relax in Dear Husband's arms. I'm thinking he will accept RJ in considerably less time. RJ is a kitten, blunt to rebuffs. RJ is also a Maine Coon mix, like The Fabulous B Cat, and is a Beta cat, with a deeply loving nature. Just like Mr. Bond.

Recently, Mr. Bond was spotted enjoying the Cat Attack toy, batting at the wand when it jittered over to his side, and letting RJ attack when it wandered over to RJ's side. RJ still gets in trouble, disrupts the happy routine, and demonstrates daily that he Knows Nothing. He's still a pain in the patootie. But maybe, maybe... Mr. Bond is thinking he's not completely useless.

Raising a Happy Kitten

Claims he's not plotting anything.

Kittens are a special challenge because, like all young things, they have trouble remembering what they are supposed to do when what they want to do is uppermost in their mind.

So they will, like RJ, chase a fly into a lamp and break it. As distressing as broken stuff might be, this is actually something unlikely to happen again. If it made a big noise at the time of its demise, the kitten will decide on their own that this was not a good idea. That’s why a broken lamp will keep them off tables, but they will rip apart roll after roll of toilet paper unless we interfere. One makes a big bad noise. The other is fun.

Aside from writing off breakage as a lesson learned, what can we do about kittens? The first step is kitten proofing. Now is the time to secure or remove potential problems. We don't just tell toddlers not to stick their fingers in electrical sockets. We recognize they can't grasp the concept, and take steps.

Some temptations must remain, such as the tangle of cords around the television or stereo. These hold a special fascination, and also require special handling. When the kitten tries to play with them, we try to catch the kitten's attention with a stern (not loud) tone, and remove them from the wires or distract them with a thrown toy. If the kitten persists, we can give them a timeout in another room. Always give them an alternative that they get praise for choosing, by cooing at them and telling them "That's a good kitten."

Kittens do respond to praise and affection, but sometimes it is not enough if they find the wires too seductive. Since they obviously like this kind of toy, make them some. Find or create a safe alternative that uses string or yarn. Get a dangly toy that will distract them. Keep these toys out and in use, so we don't train them to play with the wires in order to get attention. They should be getting lots of attention anyway, especially when they are being good. How else will they learn what being good means?

If they still persist in playing with wires, we have to persuade them the wires are not good to be played with. Since we are dealing with electronics, the best method is the canned air used to clean delicate equipment. A quick blast when they attack the wires will make the kitten think the wires hissed at them, and next time might be worse. That is what will persuade them.

RJ has learned, via praise and gentle scolding, to leave everything alone; except Puffy. We do use a squirt bottle when he harasses Puffy. Unless a kitten is a Gamma, who can be disciplined with a disapproving look, most kittens will find something irrestible and require something a little more persuasive. The important point is to not overuse this last ditch method. At this point, all we need do is shake the bottle, and RJ remembers he's not supposed to bother Puffy.

We must keep that realization uppermost in our minds. Kittens don't misbehave to spite us, torment us, or make us unhappy. Kittens misbehave because they have, at the moment, forgotten. The gentlest way of reminding them will increase their ability to do so, while at the same time safeguarding our now and future relationship.

We got the kitten to have someone to love. Remember?

Kittens of Mass Destruction

Our shower curtain. After.


A few weeks in, RJ explored the shower curtain. It did not react well. The next time he came in the bathroom, I shook the curtain and sadly explained the poor way the curtain would now work for its intended purpose. RJ was also there when I taped up the shower curtain to keep it working while I showed my displeasure with the tone of my voice. I didn't want to replace it until I knew he had gotten the message. He has, and we now have a new shower curtain, which, so far, he has left alone.

If what I have described sounds like a cat discipline experience you have not enjoyed, then it's never too late to start.

It is completely pointless to discipline a cat with physical means. Because:

• It doesn't work.


• It increases the cat's stress, which increases misbehavior.


• It makes the cat afraid of you.

Every time I hear of someone spanking, swatting, grabbing, or shaking their cat, I wince, and I don't always hide it. I always point out how counterproductive it is. For a cat to connect their actions with our displeasure requires a level of communication and trust which is destroyed by our hitting the cat.

If we happen upon the scene just as the cat is doing something wrong, we often have the impulse to grab the cat and show our displeasure. But the moment we lay hands on the cat, it is no longer about what the cat did. It now becomes about what we are doing. What we are doing is, at the least, scaring the cat, and at most, hurting them.

We think we are setting up a connection in the cat that lets them know their behavior will result in an unpleasant experience. But by getting physical, we are setting up an entirely different connection. Now the cat will associate us with something unpleasant. And us is what the cat will want to avoid.

I handled the shower curtain in an entirely different way. Since I didn't catch RJ in the act, I missed my opportunity to make a direct connection. Still, cats are smart, so when I followed him into the bathroom, he was naturally interested in what I was doing. Both times when I handled the curtain and acted distressed over its state, I was letting him know I didn't like the curtain in that state.

RJ put it together in his own little head. He hasn't touched either shower curtain since.

I can do this because RJ cares about making me happy. He thrives on my love, and wishes to return it. Once he knows that something he did made me unhappy, he will voluntarily not do that again.

Some people marvel that I can dissuade any of my cats from playing with something with a simple request. I get my cats to care about what I want by caring about what they want. I don't regard it as miraculous.

It's love.